Alone...
The name is Willow, I'm 17 years old. I have Mono-phobia, the fear of being completely alone. I developed this fear by being left alone all the time, I have family but they don't care about how I feel, they don't care about what I do, etc. I can't talk to them about anything to be honest. I try to talk to them but they always leave me somewhere. To be alone. I have friends but they don't know how I feel, they don't know how it is being me, they say they do but they truly don't, they always talk about themselves when I say I'm alone but they always have people to talk to. They always have that someone by their sides. Helping them. I have no one. I try to be friends with as much people as I can so I won't be alone but they always leave. I hate this feeling. I hate being alone. I wake up from my thoughts as I hear the bell from my school, end of the day, yay.
I get up from my desk and walk out the school with my bag on my shoulder, thinking how I can heal myself from this phobia. I walk inside of my home, hearing my mother yelling at my little brother to get off the counter, of course he doesn't listen. I walk up to my room, then I shut the door before I crash down onto my bed, trying hard not to cry but slowly feeling tears coming down the sides of face, I hate being alone, I burst out crying, holding in my moans and pain, why can't I have that one person I can turn to, why can't I have that one person who won't ever leave me like the others did. I get up to look into my mirror, black mascara running down my face, cherry red nose, bloodshot eyes, rosey cheeks, I was a mess. No one knows that I hate being alone, I always have to have someone near me, someone to talk to me, someone to be there for me.... I don't have that anymore.
I clean my face with makeup wipes, already feeling my eyes swelling up from the crying. I fall asleep after a bit more crying. I wake up from seeing the sun shine on my eyes, Saturday morning, Great. I get up and start getting dress in sweats and a regular shirt. I walk down to the kitchen looking for my family, no ones there. I start to panic, no no no, not this way, not this again. My eyes start to water then I heard the front door open, I go and look and see a bunch of people I've never met, "who are you?!" They come in and soon I see a bright light come, blinding me, I wake up in a bed, a floral bed, I look down at my body knowing I have different set of clothes on. A white and pink dress. I get up and look around, I'm in my room? I get up and see someone in the door way, a man, long hair, white dress I'm assuming, a long cane. They walk away slowly, I run after them but after I turn the corner, they were gone. I walk to the living room and see nobody, I go outside and see a grassy lawn, flowers and small animals. I then see my old friend Jake... wait, he passed away 2 years ago... Am I?.... Am I dead?.... I fall to my knees and see Jake running to me, I start crying into Jake's shoulder while he strokes my hair. "It's okay Willow, you're okay now, your not alone anymore" I cry a bit more and soon my tears become dry. What about my family? School? Anything?... I go to my house and find my body, my cold, lifeless body, lying their on my bed, I feel the bottle of pills in my own instead of my body's hand, empty. I swallow my tears, my whines, my moans. I'm not alone anymore. Jake comes up behind me and hugs me as tight as he can. I didn't want to end like this, not now, not right now.
I turn to look at Jake but instead of Jake, I see the man from before, God, "you have to go back now Willow, you won't be alone anymore" while he reaches and touches my forehead and soon I jump from my bed, in my normal clothes, the same old bedroom, everything back to what it was before the whole dream till I feel the bottle empty in my hand, I touch my throat, what the hell just happened. I stand up and look at my phone seeing my people texting me, asking if I'm okay, wondering where I went, etc. People worrying about me, friends now. My friends are texting me. I'm not alone anymore.
I get up from my desk and walk out the school with my bag on my shoulder, thinking how I can heal myself from this phobia. I walk inside of my home, hearing my mother yelling at my little brother to get off the counter, of course he doesn't listen. I walk up to my room, then I shut the door before I crash down onto my bed, trying hard not to cry but slowly feeling tears coming down the sides of face, I hate being alone, I burst out crying, holding in my moans and pain, why can't I have that one person I can turn to, why can't I have that one person who won't ever leave me like the others did. I get up to look into my mirror, black mascara running down my face, cherry red nose, bloodshot eyes, rosey cheeks, I was a mess. No one knows that I hate being alone, I always have to have someone near me, someone to talk to me, someone to be there for me.... I don't have that anymore.
I clean my face with makeup wipes, already feeling my eyes swelling up from the crying. I fall asleep after a bit more crying. I wake up from seeing the sun shine on my eyes, Saturday morning, Great. I get up and start getting dress in sweats and a regular shirt. I walk down to the kitchen looking for my family, no ones there. I start to panic, no no no, not this way, not this again. My eyes start to water then I heard the front door open, I go and look and see a bunch of people I've never met, "who are you?!" They come in and soon I see a bright light come, blinding me, I wake up in a bed, a floral bed, I look down at my body knowing I have different set of clothes on. A white and pink dress. I get up and look around, I'm in my room? I get up and see someone in the door way, a man, long hair, white dress I'm assuming, a long cane. They walk away slowly, I run after them but after I turn the corner, they were gone. I walk to the living room and see nobody, I go outside and see a grassy lawn, flowers and small animals. I then see my old friend Jake... wait, he passed away 2 years ago... Am I?.... Am I dead?.... I fall to my knees and see Jake running to me, I start crying into Jake's shoulder while he strokes my hair. "It's okay Willow, you're okay now, your not alone anymore" I cry a bit more and soon my tears become dry. What about my family? School? Anything?... I go to my house and find my body, my cold, lifeless body, lying their on my bed, I feel the bottle of pills in my own instead of my body's hand, empty. I swallow my tears, my whines, my moans. I'm not alone anymore. Jake comes up behind me and hugs me as tight as he can. I didn't want to end like this, not now, not right now.
I turn to look at Jake but instead of Jake, I see the man from before, God, "you have to go back now Willow, you won't be alone anymore" while he reaches and touches my forehead and soon I jump from my bed, in my normal clothes, the same old bedroom, everything back to what it was before the whole dream till I feel the bottle empty in my hand, I touch my throat, what the hell just happened. I stand up and look at my phone seeing my people texting me, asking if I'm okay, wondering where I went, etc. People worrying about me, friends now. My friends are texting me. I'm not alone anymore.
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